My Partner Doesn’t Want to Go to Couples Therapy… Now What?

So, you’ve finally come to the realization that couples therapy might be a good idea. Maybe things have been a little rocky, or maybe you’re just trying to prevent a future relationship catastrophe. Either way, you’re ready to dive in, and then… your partner gives you the No thanks, I’m good response. Ugh. Now what?

First of all, let me just say, I get it. There’s nothing more frustrating than knowing your relationship could benefit from some outside help, but your partner doesn’t see it (yet). And here you are, staring at them like, “Really? You’d rather keep having the same fight for the next five years?” But hold on—before you toss your hands up in despair, let’s talk about how to handle this situation.

So, Why the Pushback?

The moment you suggest couples therapy, your partner might think they’re about to be dragged into some emotional battlefield where the therapist picks sides (hint: yours) and declares them the problem. Spoiler alert—that’s not what happens in therapy. But they don’t know that yet.

A lot of people see therapy as a “last resort” or, worse, as some kind of relationship court where someone gets voted off the island. I mean, if that were the case, I wouldn’t blame anyone for avoiding it like the plague! But let’s get real. Therapy is about building a better connection, not about pointing fingers or winning a game of “Who’s Right?”

Talking to Your Partner Without Sounding Like You’ve Already Booked the Therapist

Now, here’s where you need to approach things a little carefully. You don’t want your partner to feel like they’ve already lost the battle before they even get to the couch. Instead of coming at them with, “WE NEED THERAPY,” try a softer approach—something like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking it could be really helpful for us to talk to someone who’s great at helping couples communicate better. I really want us to feel connected.” (See? That’s way less scary than “Let’s go fix you.”)

And if they still resist? Well, you’re not alone in that either. You might hear things like, “Why can’t we just fix this ourselves?” (as if that’s been working) or “I don’t want to talk to a stranger about my feelings.” These are fair concerns, but they also leave the door open for a conversation.

Therapy: It’s Not What They Think

If your partner is imagining couples therapy as some kind of emotional obstacle course, let them know that it’s not all about sharing every childhood trauma or airing every single grievance. Sure, there’s some real talk, but it’s more like having someone help guide the conversation when you’re both stuck in the same old loops. And trust me, after a while, those loops get really old.

Besides, therapy isn’t just for couples on the brink of disaster. It’s for anyone who wants to improve how they communicate, understand each other better, and maybe even prevent the same argument from happening every Sunday night when it’s time to decide what to watch on Netflix.

You Can Go First—And That’s Totally Fine

If your partner’s still on the fence, that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. It might just take some time (and a little patience). You can always start with individual therapy. After all, relationships involve two people, but changing your approach or understanding your own patterns can create a ripple effect. I know, it sounds cliché, but it works. Plus, if your partner sees you making strides, they might just warm up to the idea of joining you on the couch.

Patience Is Key (Unfortunately)

Look, I get it—you’re ready to go, and it’s frustrating when your partner isn’t on the same page. But sometimes, it takes people a little longer to come around. The key here is to keep the conversation going without making it sound like an ultimatum. (Note: “Therapy or else” is usually not the best strategy.) Keep it light, keep it open, and don’t give up after the first “no.”

One Last Thing

At the end of the day, therapy isn’t about fixing one person or pointing out all the ways they’ve been wrong. It’s about getting to the heart of what’s going on and finding better ways to connect. Even if your partner isn’t ready now, they might be down the road. In the meantime, you can still work on your own growth and communication skills—and maybe, just maybe, they’ll see the benefits and jump on board.

So, hang in there. You’ve got this. And who knows? One day your partner might surprise you with, “Hey, should we check out that couples therapist you mentioned?” And when that day comes, you’ll already know just the right person to call. 😉