How do we handle jealousy and trust issues in our relationship?

Ah, jealousy—the green-eyed monster that creeps into even the most solid relationships. Ugh, just the word itself feels uncomfortable, right? Whether we like to admit it or not, we’ve all been there—feeling a knot in our stomach when our partner gets a little too friendly with someone else or catching ourselves overthinking that one Instagram like. Jealousy can come out of nowhere, and before you know it, you’re questioning not only your partner’s intentions but also your own sense of security.

But here’s the thing—jealousy doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong with your relationship. In fact, it’s a natural emotion. It’s like a signal, a little flare in the sky saying, “Hey, there’s something going on here that needs your attention!” So, instead of letting jealousy spiral out of control, how can you handle it in a way that strengthens, rather than harms, your relationship?

Identify Where the Jealousy is Coming From

The first step in handling jealousy is figuring out why it’s happening in the first place. Is it because of something your partner is doing, or does it stem from something inside of you? Let’s be real—sometimes our jealousy is less about what our partner is doing and more about our own fears, insecurities, or past experiences.

If you’ve been hurt before, or if you struggle with self-worth, jealousy can easily latch onto those feelings. And, hey, it happens to all of us. But recognizing when jealousy is rooted in your own internal struggles rather than actual relationship dynamics is key. On the flip side, if your partner is being flirty with someone else or dismissing your feelings, it could be a sign that boundaries need to be discussed.

Talk About It, But Not When You’re Heated

Okay, so now you know where your jealousy is coming from. But what do you do about it? Here’s where the magic word comes in: communication. But (and this is important), don’t bring it up when you’re still feeling angry, upset, or on edge. It’s easy for a conversation about jealousy to turn into a blame game, especially when emotions are high.

Instead, wait until you’re calm and can explain your feelings without accusing your partner of anything. Let them know why something bothered you and how it made you feel. For example, “When you were talking to so-and-so for a while, it made me feel a little insecure. I know it’s probably nothing, but can you help me understand what was going on?”

This approach makes it less about accusing your partner and more about sharing your feelings and seeking reassurance. Nine times out of ten, your partner will respond with compassion rather than defensiveness, and that’s a huge win for trust-building.

Set Clear Boundaries Together

If jealousy is recurring, it’s possible that your relationship boundaries need a little tuning up. Boundaries are essential in any healthy relationship, and they’re not one-size-fits-all. What makes one couple feel secure might not work for another. The key is to discuss and agree on what’s okay and what’s not when it comes to things like flirting, social media behavior, or spending time with people of the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on your relationship).

Boundaries shouldn’t feel like rules or restrictions; instead, they’re agreements that help both of you feel respected and valued. It’s not about controlling your partner—it’s about making sure you’re both on the same page and that neither of you feels uncomfortable in certain situations.

Build (or Rebuild) Trust, One Step at a Time

Jealousy often points to trust issues, and rebuilding trust can take time. Whether you’ve had a breach of trust in the past or you’re simply learning to trust your partner more deeply, it’s important to take small, intentional steps.

Rebuilding trust isn’t about grand gestures or long speeches—it’s about consistency. Show up for each other, communicate openly, and follow through on promises. If you say you’ll call or be home by a certain time, do it. If you promise to work on a specific behavior that bothers your partner, follow through. Trust is earned over time, through the little things you do each day.

Strengthen Your Self-Worth

Sometimes, jealousy is less about what your partner is doing and more about how you feel about yourself. If you’re struggling with self-esteem or have a fear of abandonment, even innocent actions by your partner might feel threatening. It’s hard to build trust in someone else if you don’t feel secure in yourself.

Working on your own confidence can do wonders for your relationship. Take time for self-care, pursue your own hobbies and interests, and build a strong support system outside of your partner. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll find that those jealous feelings don’t come up as often because you won’t be looking to your partner to validate your worth.

Remember: You’re a Team

At the end of the day, jealousy and trust issues are hurdles, but they don’t have to be deal-breakers. The key is to approach these challenges as a team, rather than as opponents. It’s not you versus your partner—it’s the two of you versus the problem. By being open, honest, and supportive of one another, you can turn jealousy from something that divides you into something that ultimately brings you closer together.

So next time that green-eyed monster shows up, take a deep breath. Recognize it, talk about it, and work through it together. Your relationship will be stronger for it.

Struggling with trust in your relationship?

Let’s work through it together. Contact me today for a free consultation or to schedule a session.