How to Talk to Your Partner About Going to Couples Counseling (Without Freaking Them Out)

Let’s be honest—suggesting couples counseling can feel like a big deal. You’ve been thinking about it for a while, maybe Googling “how to fix communication problems in a relationship” or “why do we keep having the same argument?” But bringing up therapy with your partner? That’s a whole different story. You don’t want them to feel like the relationship is on the brink of disaster or that they’re doing something wrong. So, how do you start the conversation without making it awkward or overwhelming?

Here’s how to talk to your partner about going to couples counseling in a way that feels calm, supportive, and totally non-threatening (promise!).

1. Timing Is Everything

First things first—don’t bring this up during or right after an argument. If you say, “Maybe we should go to therapy!” in the middle of a heated discussion, it’s likely to be taken as criticism or a sign that you’re done with the relationship. Instead, choose a time when you’re both calm, relaxed, and open to having a conversation. It could be during a quiet moment on the weekend or over dinner when things are feeling pretty good.

You want the conversation to feel like it’s coming from a place of wanting to grow together, not a place of frustration.

2. Make It About Growth, Not Problems

The way you frame the conversation makes all the difference. Instead of saying, “We need to go to therapy because we have so many problems,” try saying something like, “I’ve been thinking about how we can make our relationship even stronger.” Emphasize that couples counseling is a tool to help you both grow and strengthen your bond, not a last-ditch effort to fix everything that’s broken.

When you present counseling as something that’s for the relationship, rather than against it, it feels less like a chore and more like an opportunity.

3. Own Your Part

It’s easy for the other person to feel defensive when the idea of counseling comes up, especially if they think it’s about “fixing” them. Make sure to own your part in why you think counseling could be helpful. For example, you could say, “I know I have trouble expressing how I feel sometimes, and I think talking to a therapist could help us communicate better.”

By acknowledging that you also want to work on things, you show that this isn’t about blaming or pointing fingers—it’s about both of you improving together.

4. Normalize Counseling

Couples counseling can feel like a big, scary step for some people, but it really doesn’t have to be. Normalize the idea by pointing out that many couples go to therapy, not because they’re falling apart, but because they want to keep things on track. You can say something like, “I’ve been reading about how a lot of couples find therapy really helpful, even when things are mostly good. It’s just a way to make sure we’re staying connected.”

When your partner sees therapy as something “normal” that many couples do, it feels less intimidating and more like a proactive step.

5. Address Their Concerns

Your partner might have concerns about going to therapy—and that’s okay. They might worry that it’ll be too intense, that they’ll be judged, or that it means the relationship is failing. Be open to hearing their concerns and reassure them that therapy is a safe, non-judgmental space. Explain that the therapist is there to help both of you, not to take sides or blame anyone.

You can also offer to research therapists together, so they feel involved in the process from the start.

6. Keep It Low Pressure

Don’t push your partner into a decision right away. It’s okay if they need some time to think about it. You can say, “I just wanted to bring this up because I think it could be really helpful, but I understand if you want to take some time to think about it.”

The goal is to have a calm, open conversation, not to strong-arm them into therapy. Let them know that you’re willing to take things at their pace.

7. Highlight the Benefits

Couples counseling isn’t just about fixing problems—it’s also about learning new tools, improving communication, and building a stronger connection. Let your partner know that therapy can help you both understand each other better, navigate conflicts in a healthier way, and ultimately create a more fulfilling relationship.

When you focus on the benefits, it feels less like a “fix-it” situation and more like an investment in your relationship’s future.

The Takeaway

Talking to your partner about couples counseling doesn’t have to be awkward or feel like a big red flag. By approaching the conversation with care, openness, and a focus on growth, you can present therapy as a positive, supportive step for both of you. It’s not about fixing what’s broken—it’s about building an even better, stronger connection together.

So take a deep breath, find the right moment, and open the door to a conversation that could bring you closer than ever before.